摘自《二十一世纪报》（2005年5月4日）

I'm active and I have the ability

读者原文

Hi, everyone. We all knew that today we will elect a new chairman for the student union. The chairman will help build a good study environment and a colourful leisure time life for students.

At here I want to say I have this ability, because I am very active, easygoing people with a helpful spirit. When I was a student in high school I was the chairman of student union. During that time, I often organized different kinds of activity, such as lectures, contests of composition, contests of singing, and so on. We also gave some advice to our leader of school to how to improve our study environment. Sometime we would report the classmates' advice to the master.

So I will be elected to chairman of student union of our school, I will do my best to serve all of you. So giving me a chance I will offer you a peaceful and colorful college life and good study environment.

改写后的文章

Hi, everyone. Today we are going to elect a new chairman of the student union. As we all know, the student union chairman plays a very important role in helping build a good learning environment and in organizing colourful extracurricular activities.

Here I want to say I have the ability to take on this role, because I am very active, easygoing and ready to help people. When I was a student in high school, I was the chairman of the student union. During that time, I organized various activities, such as lectures, composition contests, singing contests, and so on. We also passed on our classmates' needs to the school master and made valuable suggestions as to how to improve our learning environment.

If I am elected chairman of the student union of our school, I will do my best to serve all of you. Give me a chance and you will enjoy a rich colourful college life.

夏教授的讲评

这篇作文基本符合要求, 第一段讲自己具备的条件及在中学担任学生会主席的经验，第二段讲自己如果当选的承诺，但是比较笼统，要是讲得具体一些就更好了。文章条理清楚，但在文字上，还有一些句法错误及用词错误。下面就讲一讲本文在语法和用词方面的一些问题。

1．第三段第一句"So I will be elected to chairman of student union of our school, I will do my best to serve all of you"中，"so" 应改成"if"。"so"为副词，不能用来连接主从复合句，改成"if"才能将主句和从句连接起来。另外，条件从句中的动词应该用一般现在时代替将来时，而"elected to chairman"也应改成"elected chairman"或"elected to the post of chairman"。所以，整个句子应改成"If I am elected chairman of the student union of our school, I will do my best to serve all of you."

2．第三段第二句"So giving me a chance I will offer you a peaceful and colourful college life and good study environment"语法不通。"giving me a chance"这个分词短语中的实际主语应该是"you"，与主句中的主语不一致，是不能省去的。因此整句宜改为"Give me a chance and you will enjoy a?."，也即"If you give me a chance, you will enjoy a?"

3．第二段第一句中的"At here" 应改为"Here"。同一句中的"people"应改成"person"或"man"，以保持数的一致。同一段最后两句中的"advice"用得不确切。"advice"一般出自有知识、有权威的人士，宜改为"suggestions"。另外，前一句最后的"to how to improve our learning environment"应改为"as to how to improve our learning environment"。

4．第一段第二句中的"We all knew"应改为"We all know"。这个地方用过去时是没有道理的。

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在本期大学英语四六级考试专栏中，复旦大学夏国佐教授对读者题为"A campaign speech"的作文进行了讲评和改写。这是2005年1月四级考试的作文题目。按照四级考试评分标准，这篇文章的得分是9分。夏教授是大学英语四六级考试委员会的专家，参与试题的设计和阅卷工作。本期的写作题目是今年1月份六级考试的作文题。如果你希望自己的文章得到夏教授的亲自点评，请按照右边的要求写出一篇短文，发到elt@21stcentury.com.cn。

Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write an open letter on behalf of the student union, asking people to help a student who is seriously ill. You should write at least 150 words following the outline below:

1. 对病人的简单介绍：目前的病情和家庭近况

2. 目前的困难：无法承担医疗费用，需要护理

3. 希望捐助：联系方式

 

 
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