A student essay:

(This essay can get 12 points according to the CET marking scheme.) 

    My dear classmates, I am very glad to have the honour to do the speech here. The reason I am here is that I am sure I have the qualification required to be a chairman of the student union. Firstly, I have been a monitor in my classes since I was in Grade 2, junior middle school. Thus, I have abundant experience of doing the management job in a class. Secondly, I am an extrovert person and enjoy making friends and communicating with others. Finally, I am good at singing and dancing, which is helpful to the organization of student activities.

    Provided that I was selected to be the chairman, I will make efforts to fulfill the following plans. First, I will form more special learning groups, which is beneficial to the improvement of our scores. Furthermore, I am planning to contact more companies and institutions to ask them to provide more opportunities for our students to do part-time jobs. So don’t hesitate to cast a vote for me!

 Comments:

这篇作文写得比较好, 第一段讲自己具备的条件，第二段讲自己如果当选计划要做的事情，条理清楚，一目了然。从文字上看，句子结构正确，没有语法错误。不足的是第二段的内容还不够充实，如果能像修改后的文字那样，再加上一两句话就更好了。下面就讲一讲本文用字方面的一些问题。
1. 第二段第一句中的Provided that 用得不妥。Provided (that) 意为“以… 为条件”，“除非”，相当于“only if (a particular thing happens or is done)”。用在这里不合适，应该改成If。试比较：
You can go out to play provided that you finish your homework first.
Provided you pay me back by Friday, I’ll lend you the money.
You were permitted into the hall for the film, provided you sat at the back.
If he noticed the fact, he didn’t care.
If we miss the last bus, we’ll have to walk home.
If anyone has found a bunch of keys, would they please leave them on my desk.
上面几句中，前三句中的provided (that) 可用if代替，但后三句中的If不可用provided (that) 代替，两者是不可以随便互换的。
2, 第二段第三句中的Furthermore用得不妥，可改为In addition或Besides。Furthermore 一般不用来列举事物，而是用来在前面的论据上再加上一个论点(used to add a point to an argument)。试看下面两句：
He is well-liked; moreover, he is absolutely dependable; furthermore, there is no one who can take his place.
He is old and unpopular. Furthermore, he has at best only two years of political life ahead of him.
3. 第二段第一句中的I was selected to be the chairman 应该改成I am elected to be the chairman。”Elect” 意为“选举”，而select 是选择，两者在意义上是有区别的。
4. 第一段第四句中的“Grade 2, junior middle school”宜改为“my second year in junior middle school”。在美国从幼儿园到中学毕业，共分12个年级。“Grade 2”给人的印象就是小学二年级，容易搞错。 

Revised Version:
     My dear classmates, I am very glad to have the honour to make a speech at this meeting.The reason I am here is that I am sure I have the right qualifications required to be the chairman of the student union. Firstly, I have been a class monitor since my second year in junior middle school. Therefore, I have abundant management experience of leading a class. Secondly, I am an extrovert and enjoy making friends and communicating with others. Finally, I am good at singing and dancing, which is helpful to organizing student activities.
      If I am elected to be the chairman, I will make efforts to fulfill the following objectives. First, I will form more special learning groups, which are beneficial to the improvement of our scores. Second I am going to invite distinguished scholars to give lectures so as to broaden our horizons. In addition, I am planning to contact influential companies and institutions to ask them to provide more opportunities for us students to do part-time jobs, so that we can get in touch with the working world. So, my dear fellow students, do not hesitate to cast a vote for me!