Final housing essay comments

The following is the last of the readers' essays on last June's CET-6 topic: Ownership of houses in a big city in China.

Reader's essay

Ownership of houses in a big city in China is gradually changing from the State-owned to the private-owned. In 1990, the statistics showed that the proportion of Stated-owned and private is 75:25, and in 1995, 60 State-owned to 40 private, but in 2000, it became 20 State-owned to 80 private.

There are lots of reasons for this change. Here just mention a few. Firstly, housing reform initialized the change. In 1990s, the housing reform was carried out nationwide. Most of old houses were knocked down and gave way to the huge, magnificent edifices and buildings. One part of the reform was to change the ownership of the houses. As a result of the reform, as far as I can remember, the houses which were assigned by the State were bought partially or completely by their users. Secondly, peoples' minds are changing. They prefer owning their own houses instead of living in the State-owned houses by paying rents. With the ownership of the houses, owners can easily sell their old houses and buy new and big houses they like.

Thirdly, people's living standards are going higher and higher, they can afford the cost the big houses. Fourthly, the government provide the housing loan which fosters the transfer of housing ownership.

The transfer of ownership of houses brings about significant impact on both the individual and the society. For the individual, people can feel it much easier and convenient to change houses. As for the society, the transfer stimulates the housing market, and boost the development of other related industries.

Comment

This essay is fairly well written. It is good in content and satisfies the requirements given in the directions. In its language, there are no major mistakes in grammatical structure and most collocations are idiomatic. It could get 12 or even 13 points if the author were to take more care and eliminate some silly mistakes like "Here (I) just mention a few," "the cost (of) the big houses," "the government provide(s)," "much easier and (more) convenient to," "...stimulates the housing market, and boost(s)..."

Some improvements that could be made are:

1. Organization of ideas. In the second sentence of the first paragraph, "In 1990, the statistics showed that ...," the time adverb "In 1990" does not modify the verb "show" of the main clause. It should modify the verb "be" in the that-clause. The whole sentence should read "The statistics show that, in 1990, the proportion...". Again, the fifth sentence of the second paragraph, "Most of old houses were knocked down and gave way to the huge, magnificent edifices and buildings" is not part of the reform. It is, in fact, quite another thing that has contributed to changes in house ownership. So in the revised version, it is listed as a separate reason and also made more explicit.

2. Collocation. In the second sentence of the first paragraph, "the proportion of State-owned and private is..." should be changed to "the proportion of State-owned to privately-owned houses was...." In expressing a ratio, the usual pattern is "the ratio/proportion of A to B is...". For example,

The proportion of sand to cement used was three to one.

In the ninth sentence of the second paragraph, "They prefer owning their own houses instead of ..." should be changed to "They prefer owning their own houses to ...". The usual pattern of the verb "prefer" is "prefer A to B."

Again, in the first sentence of the last paragraph, "brings about significant impact on" should be changed to "has a significant impact on." The verb to go with "impact" in the pattern "...impact on" is "have".

3. Omitting unnecessary words. One typical instance is "as far as I can remember" in the seventh sentence of the second paragraph. As there is a minimum requirement on the number of words in the writing part, some students try to put in more words than are necessary. In marking the compositions, we often see phrases such as "As far as I am concerned, I think...," in which "As far as I am concerned" is not only absolutely unnecessary, but incorrectly used. Other examples can be found in the second sentence of the first paragraph; the words "State-owned" and "private" are repeated several times, which makes the sentence rather awkward.

By the way, the word "initialize" does not mean the same as "initiate". The former means "to assign an initial value (to a variable) in a computer programme," or "to format (a computer disk)," while the latter means "to begin or originate."

Revised version

The following is a revised version of the original for your reference.

Ownership of houses in big cities is gradually changing from the State to the private. Statistics show that in 1990, the proportion of Stated-owned to privately-owned houses was 75:25, and in 1995, 60:40; but in 2000, it was 20:80.

There are lots of reasons for this change. First, the change was initiated by the housing reform, which was carried out nationwide in the 1990s. One part of the reform was to change home ownership. As a result, houses that were formerly assigned by the State to individuals were bought partially or completely by the people living in them. Second, with the economic boom, most of the old houses were knocked down and gave way to large edifices and better apartments. Therefore, there are lots of houses now available on the market. Third, peoples' ideas are changing. They prefer owning their own house to renting a State-owned house. With the property in their own hands, people can easily sell an old house and buy a newer, bigger one. Fourth, as the standard of living gets higher, they can afford a bigger house. Finally, banks provide loans to those wanting to buy a house of their own. All these factors are contributed in the changes in house ownership.

The transfer of ownership of houses has had a significant impact on both the individual and society. For individuals, it is now easier and more convenient to change houses than before. As for society, the change in house ownership has stimulated the housing market and boosted real estate development and related industries.

By Xia Guozuo

The author is a professor of English at FudanUniversity in Shanghai.