Reader's essay from CET-4 test

Here is Professor Xia's version of an essay from a CET-4 test. The CET-4 writing topic is the same as the one to the left.

Before

Welcome to Shanghai!

This one-day visit of Shanghai in especially intended for our foreign friends. We are going to embark on our trip here from Thomson Hotel at 8:00 tomorrow morning and head for the Yu Garden. It'll take about one hour bus ride to get there. During the next few hours in the morning, you'll be strolling in this cleverly laid out garden, which was built one hundred years or so ago. Wandering on the delicate bridge which is famous for its nine curves, you'll see willow reflections dancing in the ponds with beautiful small fishes swimming across them.

At noon, you'll have a taste of a traditional Chinese food. After lunch, you can sit in the pavilion at the centre of the pond, enjoying a cup of tea and picking up some snacks. If you are not tired, you can also go around the Yu Garden market and maybe you can find some real bargain there.

We'll gather at 4:00pm and leave for the Band to have a look at the enchanting night scene of Shanghai. We arrange the dinner at JinMaoMansion, the highest building in Shanghai. We are scheduled to be back at the hotel at 10:00pm.

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This essay could score 11-12 points according to the CET marking scheme.



After

Welcome to Shanghai!

This one-day visit to Shanghai was designed specially for our foreign friends. We'll depart from the Thomson Hotel at 8:00 tomorrow morning and head for YuyuanGarden. It'll take about an hour to get there. For the rest of the morning, we'll tour this cleverly laid out garden. Yuyuan was built four hundred years ago and is an architectural marvel. It's located in the heart of the city and is a place of peace and tranquility. From the exquisite bridge, which is famous for its zigzag design, you'll see willows reflected in the pond and small fish swimming.

At noon, you'll get to taste numerous local delicacies. After lunch, you can sit in the pavilion at the centre of the pond and enjoy a cup of tea. If you're interested, you can go shopping in the garden market and find some real bargain there.

We'll gather at 4:00 pm and leave for the Bund to have a look at the enchanting night scene. We'll have dinner at the JinMaoTower, the tallest building in Shanghai. It overlooks the HuangpuRiver. We're scheduled to be back at the hotel at 10:00 pm.