Just managed to make it

The following is an essay worth eight points out of a total of 15. Directions for the CET-6 writing are given in the box below.

Original essay

Reduce Waste on Campus Recently it's easy to see that many students always waste things, and this problem seems to be more and more serious. Maybe your roomates or even yourself sometimes is wasting things such as water, electricity, paper, and so on.

In fact we all know it's not a good habit that we don't make good use of those resources. On one hand it's bad for us to form our charactors, on the other hand, what they do is wasting money, is wasting the resources, and it may even causes financial problems. After we graduation from the college and walk into the society, these bad habits may even do harm to the society. After all, everyone must consume these things we need in our life. But, we still should think over how we can do to avoid wasting that may happen, and then the society may develop steadily and rapidly.

And now more and more students have realized that wasting should be constrained at first in the college yard, and we should to our best to avoid wasting. When we leave the room, close the lights. After washing hands, we shouldn't let the water still run, and don't always throw some blank paper, and the society will be better.

Comment

This essay meets the minimum requirements of college English writing. The author is able, with some difficulty, to convey his ideas. In 30 minutes, he wrote more than 200 words, and the piece is basically coherent. The chief problem with it is the inaccurate use of language. There are spelling mistakes and problems with parts of speech, with sentence structure, and with the use of modal verbs. There are also a lot of awkward expressions. The following are some suggestions for improvement.

1. In the first sentence of para 2, "...it's not a good habit that we don't make good use of those resources" should be "it is not a good habit to waste those things"; "... that we don't make good use of those resources" is a phenomenon, not a habit.

2. In the second sentence of para 2, "...it's bad for us to form our charactors" should be "it's bad for the shaping of our character." In the original sentence, "it" stands for "to form our character," so the real subject is "to form our character".

3. In the third sentence of the second paragraph, "After we graduation" should be "After we graduate." In the same sentence, the definite article "the" before "college" and "society" should be deleted, because no particular college or society has been mentioned.

4. In the fifth sentence of para 2, "...think over how we can do" should be "think over what we can do." "Do" is a transitive verb and requires an object.

5. In the first sentence of the last paragraph, "at first" should be changed to "first". "At first" is used when you are contrasting something at the beginning of an event with something that comes later. For example,

At first I thought the shop was empty, then from behind one of the counters a man appeared.

Sometimes, an event is delayed at first, but then things begin to happen fast.

The adverb "first" means "before doing anything else" or "at the beginning of a situation or activity." For example,

I'll join you in a minute but I need to make a phone call first.

When we were first married we lived in Silicon Valley.

In the same sentence, "in the college yard" should be "on campus." In Britain, a yard is a piece of ground adjoining a building, typically one enclosed by walls or other buildings. In North America, it refers to a garden or grassy area belonging to a house. And waste is found not in a certain yard, but all over the place at college.

6. In the second sentence of the last paragraph, "close the lights" should be changed to "turn off the lights." In the same sentence, "don't always" should be changed to "never", and "throw blank paper" should be changed to "throw away blank paper." These errors are a direct translation from the native language.

Revision

Recently, it has been easy to see that many students waste things, and that the problem seems to be getting more serious. You may have noticed your roommates or even yourself sometimes wasting things, such as water, electricity, or paper.

We all know it is not a good habit to waste these things. On the one hand it is bad for the shaping of our character; on the other, it is a waste of money and resources, and it may even cause financial problems. After we graduate from college and start to work, these bad habits may harm our society. Every one of us needs certain things to sustain our life. In order to ensure a steady and fast development of our society and a good living for all, we should think about what we can do to stop waste.

More students now realize that waste should first be done away with on campus. We should do our best to avoid wasting things. When we leave the room, we mustn't forget to turn off the lights. After washing our hands, we mustn't leave the water running. And we mustn't throw blank paper away. If we put an end to waste, our economy will perform better.

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