You need to improve word use

In last December's CET-6, students were required to write at least 150 words on "Reducing Waste on Campus" following the outline:

1.目前有些校园内浪费现象严重

2.浪费的危害

3.从我做起，杜绝浪费

The following is a test taker's essay worth 11 point out of a total of 15.

Original essay

Waste can be found everywhere on campus. Students ask for more food while they only eat a little and some students always forget turning off the lights. Some may say they can afford these things. But I don't agree with this kind of thought.

Wasting can bring a great many of problems. Although China is rich in some resources, we are short of some others, for instance, fresh water. It is reported that our coal and oil will be used up in 100 years. If we continue to waste our resources, what can we use after 100 years? If all the resources on this planet were used up, should we migrate to Mars? All in all, we should stop wasting as soon as possible.

Everybody should take action to struggle with wasting. Turn off the light when you leave your room; order the food you need to eat. Little by little, the situation will be changed. Wasting will not exist one day, if everyone tries his best.

Comment

This essay is fairly well written. It covers all three points given in the outline and the ideas are ordered. The author has a good mastery of English sentence structure and has acquired a certain degree of fluency. There are no spelling or grammar mistakes. There could, however, be some improvement in the use of words.

1. In the second sentence of the first paragraph, "...some students always forget turning off the lights", the adverb "always" should be changed to "often". The word "always" means "at all times or on every occasion". For example,

The sun always rises in the east.

But why not pluck up the courage to do what you've always wanted to do?

When used in the sense of "often and repeatedly" or "again and again in an annoying way", the word "always" usually goes with a verb in the continuous tense. For example,

He is always asking silly questions.

Why are you always biting your nails?

2. In the first sentence of the second paragraph, "... a great many of problems" should be "a great many problems". "A great many" is used immediately in front of the plural form of a noun to talk about a large number of people or things. For example,

You know, I could astonish you with the great many foreign words I know.

For centuries most parents had a great many children.

"A great many of" is used in front of a plural pronoun or a plural noun group, beginning with "the", "these", "those" or a possessive to talk about a large number of people or things belonging to a particular group. For example,

You can see for yourself that a great many of us are not really worried about the exam.

3. In the last sentence of the second paragraph, "All in all" should be changed to "Therefore". "All in all" means "on the whole" or "generally". For example,

All in all, we had a good time.

All in all, the pilot of an airplane must have many years of experience before he can be trusted.

In this context, we need a transitional word to show a cause-effect relationship. An appropriate one is "therefore".

4. In the first sentence of the last paragraph, "to struggle with wasting" should be "to combat waste". The phrase "struggle with" means "have difficulty handling or coping with". For example,

The airline is struggling with high maintenance costs.

When you struggle with somebody, you fight or make a great effort to do something. For example,

Two men were struggling with each other for the possession of a small jewel box.

The word "combat" means "to fight against or take action to reduce or prevent". For example,

In order to combat inflation, the government imposed strict foreign currency controls.

We are making a great effort to combat corruption.

5. In the second sentence of the last paragraph, "just order the food you need to eat" would be better as "try not to order more food than you need". "The food" refers to a particular kind of food, not the amount of food, which is what the author intended. The original sentence does not accurately express his idea.

Revised version

The following is a slightly revised version of the original.

Waste can be seen everywhere on campus. Some students ask for more food than they can eat and others often forget to turn off the lights when they leave the classroom. They say they can afford these things. But I don't agree with them.

Waste can bring a great many problems. Although China is rich in some resources, we are short of others, for instance, fresh water. It is reported that our coal and oil will be used up in 100 years. If we continue to waste our resources, how much will be left for posterity in 100 years? If all the resources on this planet are used up, can we migrate to Mars? We should stop wasting things as soon as possible.

Everybody should take action to combat waste. You can do many things to reduce the amount of waste, for example, turn off the lights when you leave the room, try not to order more food than you need, and so on. Little by little, the situation will be changed. Waste can be eliminated one day, if everyone does his best.

Coming up: Comment on an 8-point essay.

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The author is a professor of English at FudanUniversity.