Writing letters often tricky

In last December's CET-4, students were asked to write an essay according to the directions as follows:

For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a letter in reply to a friend's inquiry about applying for admission to your college or university. You should write at least 120 words according to the outline given below in Chinese:

1.建议报考的专业和理由

2.报考该专业的基本条件

3.应当如何报考

The following is an essay worth 8 points.

Original version

A Letter in Reply to a Friend

I am very happy to receive your letter. I know you will attend college test three months later, but you can't confirm which subject is suitable to you. In my opinion, I think you should go to study in computer subject. In the following paragraphy, I will venture to explore the reasons. For one thing, your computer skill is very good and you like it very much. For another, with the development of society, we use computer in everywhere. So I suggest you to learn computer.

As far as I knew, if you past the college test and you knew a little about computer aspects, you can study it in university. I think it isn't hard to you.

If you think my suggestion seems reasonable, you can do many matters for it. In the one hand, you must study hard to pass the college test. On the other hand, according to your grades you should select a college.

That's all. I'm looking forward to your good news.

Comment

This letter is written well enough in the sense that the author is able, with some difficulty, to convey his idea to his reader. And the reader can understand what he says. The piece meets the most basic requirements of College English writing. However, the author still has a long way to go if he wants to write correct English. That's because, as can be seen from the following analysis, he has to work hard to eliminate mistakes in sentence structure, verb tenses and patterns, idiomatic usage, and spelling.

1. In the second sentence of paragraph 1, "attend college test" should be "take the college entrance exam". The verbs for "exam" or "test" are "take" or "sit (for)", and a college test is given to college students, not to high school graduates. In the same sentence, "three months later" should be changed to "after/in three months". The former refers to a time after the event you are talking about, while the latter is used to refer to a time in the future, the starting point being the present. Compare the following sentences and you'll see the difference:

She lost the baby and she and her husband divorced three years later.

(She and her husband divorced three years after she lost the baby.)

The results will be announced in ten days.

(The results will be announced ten days from now)

2. In the second sentence of the first paragraph, "you can't confirm which subject is suitable to you" should be changed to "you're still not sure which subject will be suitable for you in college." If you confirm sth., you say it is true because you know about it. For example,

He confirmed that he was going to reorganize the government.

3. In the third sentence of the first paragraph, "In my opinion, I think" is redundant. Such repetition is unnecessary and should be avoided. In the same sentence, "to study in computer subject" should be "to study computer science". The verb "study" is transitive and is followed by a direct object.

4. In the last sentence of the first paragraph, "I suggest you to learn computer" should be "I suggest that you learn computer science". The verb "suggest" is followed by an object clause.

5. The last sentence of Paragraph 2, "I think it isn't hard to you" should be "I don't think it's hard for you". Instead of saying that one thinks something is not the case, we usually say that one doesn't think it is the case. For example,

I don't think there's any doubt about that.

6. In the first sentence of the third paragraph, "you can do many matters" should be "you can do many things". A matter is a subject or situation you have to think about or deal with. It does not refer to an action or activity.

7. In the second sentence of the third paragraph, "In the one hand" should be "On the one hand". In a set English phrase, you cannot change the wording at will. In learning English idioms, you have to take them as a whole.

In conclusion, this student's writing shows a strong influence from his native language. In many places he is using discrete English words to make Chinese-type sentences. In learning a foreign language, one should not only learn individual words and phrases, but also learn the way native speakers use them. The most urgent problem facing students is to learn how to learn. Otherwise, it will be very difficult for them to make substantial progress, especially in writing.

Revised version

The following is a slightly revised version:

I am very happy to receive your letter. I know you're going to take the college entrance exam in three months, but you are still not sure which subject is suitable for you to study in college. In my opinion, you should study computer science. I here venture to explain the reasons for this choice. For one thing, your computer skills are already very good and you like computer science very much. For another, we use computers in every area of human activity. So I suggest you study computer science.

As far as I know, if you pass the college entrance exam and know a little about computers and are good at maths, you can study computer science at college. I think your qualifications are quite good.

If you think my suggestion reasonable, you can do something to get prepared now. On the one hand, you must study hard to pass the college entrance exam. On the other, you can take some computer-training programs to expand your knowledge of this field. Then, you can select a college based on the marks you get in the entrance exam.

I'm looking forward to your good news.

Coming up: An essay with 15 points

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The author is a professor of English at FudanUniversity.