Well, it keeps to the topic

THE composition chosen as an 11-point ranger-finder is as follows:

Original essay

From the chart we can find some changes in the ownership of houses obviously. The proportion of private-owned houses is increasing from 25 per cent in 1990 to 40 per cent in 1995 and 80 per cent in 2000. In contrast, the State-owned houses are becoming a smaller part of all houses.

The changes in the ownership of houses reflect the changes of government policy indeed. The government used to provide houses for many people, and it has become a heavy burden. Since the living standard of common people is improving and a lot of people are able of afford to buy houses of their own according to their individual need, the government takes some measures to encourage people to buy houses.

The changes reflected by the chart certainly have an influence on everyone and the whole society. We no longer rely on the government to build houses for us, instead we have to work hard to earn money. And to some extent its beneficial to the development of the economic. The government can also save some energy to do more other things for the public.

Revised essay

From the chart we can see some obvious changes in the ownership of houses. The proportion of privately-owned houses increased from 25 per cent in 1990 to 40 per cent in 1995 and 80 per cent in 2000. In contrast, the percentage of State-owned houses became smaller and smaller.

The changes in the ownership of houses are caused by the changes in government policy. The government used to provide houses for the people, and this has become a heavy burden on its revenues. Since living standards are improving and a lot of people can afford to buy houses of their own, the government has taken some measures to encourage people to buy houses.

These changes certainly have an impact on the whole of society. We no longer rely on the government to build houses for us; instead we have to work hard to earn money if we want to improve our housing conditions. And to some extent this is beneficial to the development of the economy. Also the government can save some financial resources to do other things for the public.

Comment

This essay keeps to the topic and covers the three points outlined in the directions. The ideas are fairly well-arranged, and the language is basically correct and coherent. This student has a fairly solid foundation in English. His use of phrases like "In contrast", "used to", "provide ... for", "afford to", "houses of their own", "have an influence on", "rely on", "to some extent", and "beneficial to" clearly indicate he is well on his way to a good command of the language. However, he tends to slip up in some places, which shows he needs further practice and more care in writing.

The following is an analysis of some of the essay's weak points:

1) In the first paragraph, the use of present continuous tense is incorrect. When a definite past time is indicated, the past tense should be used.

2) In the third sentence of the second paragraph, "... a lot of people are able of afford to..." should read "a lot of people are able to afford to..." or "a lot of people can afford to..." This student seems to be confused about the use of "able" and "capable." The word "able" is always followed by an infinitive phrase while the word "capable" is followed by an "of" phrase. For example,

Once you've had some sleep in the day, you'll fell better able to cope.

She is more than capable of looking after herself.

He was barely capable of writing his own name.

3) The word "obviously" is used in a sentence to convey the speaker's comment on the content of what he is saying. It is used in the same way as "clearly", "evidently", "plainly" and "fortunately". For example,

Obviously the school cannot function without teachers.

He was in tears and obviously very upset.

So the word "obviously" at the end of the first sentence of Paragraph 1 is not correctly used. It would make sense if we put "obvious" before the word "changes".

4) The word "indeed" is used to emphasize a statement or response confirming something already mentioned. For example,

The war was not expected to last long, and indeed it took less than a month.

So I was right — there has indeed been a conspiracy!

Therefore, the word "indeed" at the end of the first sentence of the second paragraph is out of place.

5) The word "more" in the last sentence of the third paragraph should be deleted, because no comparison is made here.

The incorrect use of the words "obviously", "indeed" and "more" are a clear indication of the interference of the Chinese language in the person's progress of learning English. To get rid of this influence, the learner should learn words in their context, instead of merely memorizing their Chinese equivalent.

Coming up: An 8-point essay in the June 2003 CET-6.

---------------------------------------

The author is a professor at FudanUniversity and the vice-chairman of the National College English Testing Committee.